Disappointed

I've been seeing people on the Instagram,

Create reels on this one topic,

"If the 13 year-old me saw me right now, she would be so damn shocked"

And then show a bunch of things they're really proud of doing.

Like, painting something then and painting the same thing 10x better now,

Like, singing a flat note then and singing in a studio with one the best singers of all time now,

Like, being so insignificant then and then doing something so magnificent now,

But, if my 13 year-old self saw me today,

She would be sad, like really really sad,

Sadder than I am today,

Sadder than she was then,

Because I wish I could have something good to tell her,

To show her that her pain gets better,

That things got better,

That life got better,

And it did,

Maybe for a while,

And I did amazing things too,

Like writing 2200+ blogs,

Travel to some mind-blowing places,

And met great people,

But, yet, it still hurts,

And I'm sorry,

I'm sorry that she was counting on me,

To do better things,

To take away the pain,

But I couldn't.

I'm sorry for keeping her hopes up,

To keep believing in herself,

And I'm sorry,

For still feeling hopeful.

But I'm sorry she has to see me like this,

I'm sorry to disappoint her.

And yes, I know I can't compare my progress to others,

But it still hurts,

Her and I both.